Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Okay so I am being cyberstalked - what can I do.....?

The Common Experiences of Cyberstalking Victims

It never ceases to amaze me the number of similarities between the individual and unrelated cyberstalking attacks experienced by adult victims. Every victim with whom I have spoken echoes amazing commonalities in many aspects - however none more so than in the methodology adopted by the adult cyberstalker.

If you too are a victim of cyberstalking and have read the previous post The Most Common Methods Employed by Cyberstalkers, you will very likely agree with this.

If on the other hand, you are trying to work out whether the carnage surrounding you or your loved one actually equates to Cyberstalking, then I hope that the previous post was helpful in coming to a conclusion one way or the other. Put simply, if you have experienced or are experiencing attacks that involve a significant number of these methodologies, then you are almost certainly the victim of a cyberstalker.

What will set you apart - from victim to survivor - is the strategy that you employ in seeking to defeat your cyberstalker.

Below I have articulated a brief snapshot of the methods that my team of professionals and advisors and I used to thwart the ongoing attentions of my obsessive stalker.

Many of these methods have been employed by my cyberstalker, what can I do?

There are a number of steps that you need to take in order to fight back and defeat your cyberstalker. Most importantly, don't sit back and do nothing - this simply hands victory to the cyberstalker, stalker or troll.

I will post more this week on how best to "fight back" (figuratively, not literally) against your cyberstalker however my high-level hot tips are as follows: 

  • RESEARCH - knowledge is the first step on the way to EMPOWERING the victim. Knowledge of many things will assist including the following:
  • What stalking actually is 
  • The motivation types of stalkers (particularly your own)
  • Stalkers and stalker typology
  • The psychology and frequently encountered mental health conditions of stalkers
  • Who your stalker is (if possible) 
  • Physical security companies and advisors whom can help you 
  • Criminology, psychological and psychological profiling assistance available to you 
  • Your local Police Constabulary and what their stated position on stalking is (including who is the head of the PPU [Public Protection Unit]) 
  • Relevant anti-stalking laws 
  • The local anti-stalking charities and victims support agencies 
  • Who the best legal practitioners in the anti-harassment, anti-stalking and cyber-stalking / cyber-crime spheres are  [I will write more about this in due course however please feel free to contact me via the contact page on my website www.andrewsteelesmith.com for recommendations and suggestions of how to source extremely competent and experienced specialist legal advice]

  • REPORT THE STALKING OR CYBERSTALKING TO YOUR LOCAL POLICE CONSTABULARY. If you feel like you are in any way in imminent danger, dial 999 without delay.....


  • DO NOT APPROACH - no matter what, do not approach your stalker or cyberstalker

  • DO NOT RESPOND - the number one goal of the stalker is to know that what they are doing is having their desired effect on you (their victim or prey)
  • From experience I know that as the victim becomes more desperate for a solution, they will try virtually anything to remove the unwanted attentions of the stalker from their life, but please do not make the mistake of responding 
  • Do not under any circumstances respond or let your stalker know that they are affecting you 
  • This will only encourage and embolden them 
  • Do not initiate or respond to contact from your stalker under any circumstances 
  • Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you may be able to rationalise or negotiate with your stalker. This does not work and often leads to tragic consequences 
  • Many stalkers are sociopaths. You should not try to negotiate with a sociopath. Do not under any circumstances try to reason with your stalker, tempting as it may become 

  • DEVELOP A DIVERSION TACTIC - for me this was largely prayer; talking, sharing and praying through the experience with my family and a set of close and extremely trusted friends
  • It is a known fact that stalking victims often develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or PTSD-like symptoms, so seeking professional psychological / trauma counselling assistance early in the process is extremely important 
  • Do not try to do this alone 
  • Importantly - try to find a technique to allow you to de-stress and temporarily escape the 
  • Surviving stalking is inevitably a marathon, not a sprint 
  • Endurance, persistence, rest, recovery, relaxation, self evaluation, re-centering and inevitably trauma counselling, are all extremely important factors   

  • COMPILE A DETAILED DOSSIER OF EVIDENCE - A detailed evidence log is key to getting the police to take your complaint seriously 
  • Irrespective of whether the Police and Crown Prosecution Service pursue criminal prosecution against your cyberstalker; if either as an alternative, or in addition you determine to take civil action against your stalker, detailed evidence diaries will prove critically important 
  • Note down EVERYTHING 
  • Take screenshots where appropriate 
  • Gather evidence and document absolutely everything
  • Record everything that you are able, whether on camera, video camera, CCTV, dictaphone, digital recorder etc
  • Keep (and back up) ALL emails, text messages, instant chat messages, phone records, voicemails and answering machine messages
  • Keep a diary of every single incident - write it down straight after it happens (irrespective of what the incident is) 
  • It is well worth carrying a notebook or diary with you so as to be able to record everything whilst it is still fresh in your memory 
  • Whenever there is a witness to events, ask them to diarise what they saw/hear/observed whilst it is fresh in their memories. Then ask them to keep one copy and provide you with a copy for your records too  
  • Something that many victims do is complain to the police of how they feel that they are being bombarded / attacked constantly - and yet without clear and unambiguous evidence this is too easy for the police to dismiss

  • PROTECT YOURSELF & YOUR COMPUTER / PHONE /iPad etc - Many stalkers and cyberstalkers use malware and other technically invasive means to keep track of their victims

  • INFORM FAMILY and FRIENDS - It also helps to inform your boss and work colleagues. Ask them to:
  • Keep an eye on you 
  • Keep a lookout / watchful eye for the stalker or cyberstalker and/or his actions 
  • Many cyberstalkers will make contact with your boss or work colleagues using the most plausible and innocent sounding reason for doing so, so informing your colleagues and boss of what is going on in advance will help them to be on the alert - and to be careful in how, what and if they respond to any inquiry that in any way involves you


  • REALISE THAT STALKING OFTEN ENDS IN ASSAULT OR WORSE -  so hope for the best but plan what you will do if the worst thing was to happen to you
  • Rehearse in your mind what you might do if you were approached outside your home, school, place of work etc 
  • If you have practised visualising your response and escape routes in the event of a physical attack then you are far more likely to survive 
  • Take precautions such as varying your routine, not travelling alone 
  • Increase your home and personal security measures as fully as you are able  
  • Install panic alarms within your home 
  • Ensure that you have an advanced car security system installed (if not fitted as standard) including automatic "drive-off" door locks and "home-safe" headlight delays 
  • Acquire and use religiously a personal safety alarm 
  • Acquire and use religiously a personal safety iPhone or Android Appa and GPS tracker. The best-in-class of these notify your emergency contacts with a GPS location so that help can find you quickly in an emergency. I personally use and recommend StaySafeApp however there are a number of other good products available on the market with the UK and the US
  • Seriously consider taking self defence lessons - they may save your life however it will almost certainly act as one of your personal diversion / mental relaxation techniques

  • DO NOT DESPAIR IF THE POLICE DO NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY - Sadly this often happens as stalking and even more so cyberstalking are relatively little understood
  • If the police at first ignore you, demand politely that they document in writing why they have not taken your complaint more seriously 
  • Familiarise yourself with who is the Stalking SPOC (stalking single point of contact) officer within your local police constabulary. Generally speaking the Stalking SPOC will be well trained and will understand both how the Police and the CPS should respond. The Stalking SPOC should also be reasonably well versed in what the victim is going through as a result of the cyberstalking or stalking
  • Keep trying to get the police to listen and take appropriate action. Persevere. Do not be dissuaded 
  • You are within your rights to have a solicitor, advocate or friend present with you at all meetings with the police. Insisting on this is definitely valuable 
  • The police often want to help, but often don't know how or what to do (though thankfully this is changing), so persist until you have been taken seriously and/or found the correct, appropriately trained and qualified police officer within the relevant constabulary to assist you adequately


  • TALK TO THE UK ANTI-STALKING CHARITIES - I found this to be a valuable first-setp when considering what criminal, civil and other remedies I might have against my stalker

Resources and contacts

The following are some of the extremely helpful anti-stalking and anti-domestic violence agencies whom can help you as you start to architect a plan of attack to defeat the sinister attentions of your stalker:

As ever, I trust that this article may provide some level of assistance to victims of stalking, cyberstalking and harassment - and their support personnel. I always welcome your feedback and comments, either here or via www.andrewsteelesmith.com

Thanks again


Best



2 comments:

  1. During my time of frantically searching the Web for something, ANYTHING, that would help with my stalker, I just couldn't find thorough or realistic solutions. This is the most practical, comprehensive list I've seen, especially in regards to cyberstalking, which quickly leads people to throw their hands up in the air in defeat. I wish this resource had been available sooner. Thanks for posting it! --Stalked Blogger, at www.stalkedblog.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for the encouragement. The intent of this site is twofold.

    Firstly, to be a resource for victims or support persons (family members etc) of victims of stalking and in particular, cyberstalking - so feedback like yours is encouraging and appreciated.

    Secondly, I hope this site can help one or more victims transition from being a victim to a survivor (as you have already done).

    Thank you again for your encouragement here and elsewhere. I commend you for the stand you have also taken publicly on www.stalkedblog.com

    Onwards and upwards!

    Best, Andie

    ReplyDelete